You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
