Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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