Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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