The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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