whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
