Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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