Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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