yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
