just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
