Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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