hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
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i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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