So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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