i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
