guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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