Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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