Don't you send me to vm
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
