remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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