i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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