The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
