this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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