i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
