just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
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Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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