i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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