....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
