Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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