I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
