I didn't shave. On purpose
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
