just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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