dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
