Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
