Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
