ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize