And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
