I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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