is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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