When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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