He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
