The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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