Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
