Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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