I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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