I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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