I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
