I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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