I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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