yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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