How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
