Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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