Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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