pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
