bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
