his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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