last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
