So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Your dad touched me again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
