yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.