Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty