Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping