ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.