So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"