I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
