Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
