We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This baby is an asshole
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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