Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
