THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
