What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
