God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
