you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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