that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
