My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I die, sorry about rent.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
