I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
my liver is dry heaving
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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