i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
