yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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