She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
