Umm I'm too high to move.
I want to have your abortion
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
