barbara walters just said penis...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
