if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
