Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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