i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
