im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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